1 00:00:00,970 --> 00:00:05,910 What'll I do when you... 2 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,060 This smudge is still here. 3 00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:47,320 Of course it's still here. It's got life in me. 4 00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,060 Who's alive is in here, right? 5 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,520 All right, all right. Only making conversation. 6 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:54,920 Look, what's wrong? 7 00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,480 Wrong? There's nothing wrong. 8 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,580 I'm all right. Why wouldn't I be? You're here. 9 00:00:58,900 --> 00:00:59,900 I'm nice to go. 10 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:02,120 Yeah, but you're supposed to smoke it, not grope it to bits. 11 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,400 Look, if you're all right, talk to me. Tell me the news. 12 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,420 The news? What, from in here? 13 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,360 Oh, well. 14 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,440 Big Frank is just putting the finishing touches to the budget. 15 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,580 He's expecting to put up income tax again. 16 00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:18,400 He never could leave other people's income alone. 17 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,580 Oh, my boat's endearing. He's just invaded Turkey. 18 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:22,880 But don't tell anyone. 19 00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:24,480 He only let him out to get his eyes tested. 20 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,040 What do you think the news is? Same as last week. Sweet F .A. 21 00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:31,100 Sarah, what is it? What's on your mind? 22 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:32,500 Nothing. I told you. 23 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:33,940 Come on. 24 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,340 You read me like a book, don't you? Yeah. 25 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,140 So come on out with it. 26 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:44,940 Well, look, promise you won't take this the wrong way. Take what the wrong way? 27 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,100 You're starting already. 28 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,139 Well, I haven't heard it yet. 29 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,820 I knew it, I knew it. Whatever it is, I promise I won't take it the wrong way. 30 00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:51,900 Cuss my heart. 31 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:53,760 Okay. 32 00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,500 Do you mind meeting the next visit? 33 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,520 Oh, pardon me if I'm getting boring. 34 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,100 Once a fortnight too much, is it? 35 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,600 Sick of seeing me, are you? 36 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,340 Well, sorry to keep pestering you. 37 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:08,360 Tracy, you said you wouldn't take this the wrong way. Who is it? Who's coming 38 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,149 my place? 39 00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:11,770 Some bird I don't know about. Who is it, eh? My mum and dad. 40 00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:16,410 Them? But we haven't heard a dicky bird out of them since you went down. 41 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:18,550 Not even a phone call to see if I was all right. 42 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:20,770 Yeah, well, they took the trial badly. 43 00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:23,990 Yeah, and I was over the moon, I suppose. You know what I mean, Tracy? 44 00:02:24,650 --> 00:02:26,350 It was different for them. It was harder. 45 00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:28,970 They're older, a different generation. 46 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,870 They was embarrassed in front of their neighbours. 47 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:33,670 In front of their neighbours? 48 00:02:34,130 --> 00:02:35,099 That's rich. 49 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:38,320 Them next door had two banged up and one on the game, and him on the other side 50 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,320 had just done his wifey. 51 00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:42,960 Anyway, I thought they weren't talking to you. 52 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,280 They weren't, but then me mum suddenly wrote out the blues. 53 00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:48,140 Seems Dad had a bit of a flutter. 54 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,079 Oh, yeah. 55 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,260 I'm actually loose this time. 56 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:52,540 No, Tracy, a heart flutter. 57 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,140 Only a small one, mind. 58 00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:56,540 Well, it has to be a small one. 59 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,920 He hasn't got a very big heart. 60 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,360 It was always the same. 61 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:04,200 Greedy grasping old thug. 62 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:07,690 We left our wedding presents around their house and I was my first set of 63 00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:08,850 before I could boil an egg in them. 64 00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:13,570 I expect Dorian would say that they were searching for material security on 65 00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:16,570 account that nobody loves them. Well, of course nobody loves them. They're 66 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,570 horrible. 67 00:03:17,970 --> 00:03:19,010 Does Daryl love them? 68 00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:21,990 No, he don't. He just thinks he should because they're his parents. 69 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,210 There's been no kind of parents to me. Two years and nothing. 70 00:03:25,590 --> 00:03:28,430 Not a phone call, not a letter, not even a postcard. 71 00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,870 Well, they're not easy to find, Trace. What? 72 00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:32,790 Postcards of Canning Town. 73 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,100 They live in Poplar. 74 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,880 Oh, yeah, right, sorry. 75 00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,380 No problems with postcards of Poplar. 76 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:45,500 Waterfront bistros, floodlit fountains, nocturnal views of the buses. Oh, all 77 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,500 right, all right. 78 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,660 You're not taking me serious, are you? Well, of course I'm not. 79 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,320 One visit, Trace. One visit is all he wants with them. 80 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,180 They are his parents, after all. I don't care who they are. They're nicking my 81 00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:59,960 visit. Come on, he hasn't seen them in two years. 82 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,800 There'll be things he wants to talk to them about. 83 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,320 Like what? 84 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:05,920 The weather. 85 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,520 They don't have weather inside. 86 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,580 You know what I mean. 87 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,520 If Daryl wants to patch things up, he should. 88 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:15,920 He's trying to wobbly ain't doing no good. 89 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,760 I suppose not. 90 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,839 You should be helping, not getting in the way. 91 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,440 Well, there's not a lot I can do, is there? 92 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:22,680 Of course there is. 93 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,680 Put yourself out a bit. Make the first move. 94 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,680 Hands across the water and all that. 95 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,260 Poplar's this side of the river. 96 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,580 Look, if Daryl's trying to forgive and forget, so should you. 97 00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,320 Go on, give him a ring. Invite him over. 98 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,240 Do what? Invite him round here? 99 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:41,080 No way. I can't afford to replace me saucepans right now. 100 00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:43,340 They ain't that bad, Chase. 101 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,940 I only met him at your wedding, but we had a good laugh. 102 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,240 You mean you all got rat -arsed together, upset my guests, broke half 103 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,000 glasses and got us banned from the reception room? 104 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:53,940 Yeah, like I said, we had a good laugh. 105 00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,610 Well, at least you can have a knees up with him. 106 00:04:58,030 --> 00:04:59,650 You should have in -laws like mine. 107 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,890 Sunday dinner at Chrissie's house was your actual Greek tragedy. 108 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:05,910 Brothers and sisters sulking in corners. 109 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:09,110 Papa moaning with a migraine because his beret was too tight. 110 00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:15,430 And Mama sitting down the end of the table, all dressed in black, glaring at 111 00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:16,970 for daring to marry her son. 112 00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:21,410 And me glaring back at her for daring to give birth to him in the first place. 113 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,630 Yeah, I suppose they could be worse. 114 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,080 You'd better believe it. 115 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:27,920 Oh, we are. 116 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,480 Come on, phone them. 117 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,300 Trace, phone your indoors or else. 118 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,600 Or else what? 119 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,840 Or else I'll phone mine and invite them over. 120 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,520 How about this? 121 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:45,680 Tendrons de veau en terrine. 122 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,260 Cook up that. 123 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,280 How are you going to cook it? You can't even say it. 124 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,060 It looks great in the picture. It always does. 125 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,660 I suppose we could just pass round some pictures and order a takeaway pizza. 126 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,080 Come on, Tracey, we've got to give them something nice. Why? Would they notice 127 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,080 the difference? 128 00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:02,220 Out of order, Tracey. 129 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,040 You're either nice to people or you ignore them. 130 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,440 You don't invite them over for dinner, give them something horrible, then stand 131 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,380 in the kitchen giggling while they're in there throwing up. 132 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,980 You aren't going out Friday night, are you? 133 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,640 Well, we thought if the chip pan catches light and the house burns down, we 134 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,700 might pop out for a minute or two. 135 00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:24,790 Only I wondered if you found for the girls' night in. 136 00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:28,670 I could bring round a couple of videos featuring several well -hung fellas and 137 00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:33,050 certain amount of... It's not Friday, girl. We've got company. 138 00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:36,920 What? Better company than several well -hung fellows. 139 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:38,800 No, but it's duty. 140 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:43,040 We've got Daryl's parents coming for dinner. In -laws? My God, is this wise? 141 00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:46,340 but I'm making a special effort. We've got to bury the hatchet. Sharon's right. 142 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,940 Rubbish. Sharon's never right. 143 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,960 Look, can't you cancel? Have them round another night? I can't. It's all 144 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,200 about... It's just we've got a bit of a problem about what to give them. We're a 145 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:55,739 bit stuck. 146 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,900 In that case, since you've ruined my plan... 147 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:03,970 I may as well give you the benefit of my culinary expertise, my grasp of cordon 148 00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:06,330 bleu. Yeah, we don't use an expert in French. 149 00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:13,470 So, Friday night will be girls' night in in the kitchen. I will cook and help 150 00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:14,730 you to present things correctly. 151 00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:19,790 Dorian, you can't cook. Everyone knows that. You threw your saucepans away when 152 00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:20,790 they invented the microwave. 153 00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:25,570 Every time you have a dinner party, you chuck out enough aluminium containers to 154 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:26,489 buy a guide dog. 155 00:07:26,490 --> 00:07:29,030 Well, that doesn't mean that I don't remember how. 156 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,970 And you do want to impress Daryl's parents, don't you? 157 00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:33,290 Do I? 158 00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:36,510 Anyway, I thought you were dead against family and in -laws. Only mine. 159 00:07:37,610 --> 00:07:39,530 So that's why the night's settled, then. 160 00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:43,490 Oh, I really look forward to meeting Daryl's parents. 161 00:07:44,350 --> 00:07:47,390 I'm sure they're absolutely sweet. Totally unspoiled. Very natural. 162 00:07:47,910 --> 00:07:49,010 Dead common, you mean. 163 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:53,590 Tracy, now you know I'm not a snob. I can get along with all kinds of people. 164 00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,050 don't care which golf club they belong to. 165 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,130 Sharon, could you please keep it down a little? 166 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:07,309 What music? 167 00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,910 No, the smell of garlic. It's horrendous out there. 168 00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:13,630 Wild life is dying up at a rate of knots. 169 00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:18,160 Earwigs are hurling themselves onto thistles. And according to what you told 170 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:22,080 free clothes, you say? These are bulbs, Sharon. Clothes are the little ones. 171 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:26,560 I can't breathe in here. You've probably taken the enamel off the saucepans. 172 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,780 Sharon, you're getting in the way. 173 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,880 I wish you would just go and do whatever it is you're best at. 174 00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:36,159 What am I best at? Getting in the way? 175 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:40,179 All right, go and get in Tracy's way instead, then. 176 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,160 Shut up! 177 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,020 You're brilliant, Trace. 178 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,480 Good Adorian to lend us their cutlery, eh? Yeah, I just wish you hadn't lent us 179 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,299 so much. 180 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,380 I mean, where did it all go? 181 00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,940 Why do you have to have three folks when you've only got one man? 182 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:02,840 It's etiquette, isn't it? 183 00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:04,439 What's that mean? 184 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,180 It means you've got two spare in case you drop one. 185 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:08,900 You'd better not drop one. 186 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,740 I'm sorry I haven't let you talk me into this. 187 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,940 Adorian cooking for us. I can't get over it. 188 00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:16,450 Let's just hope we get over the meal, eh? 189 00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:19,550 I mean, what are they going to think, the next -door neighbour cooking and 190 00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:22,050 everything? I suppose we could say she's the au pair. 191 00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:27,170 Tracy, nobody has a middle -aged Jewish au pair. 192 00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,170 Oh, God. 193 00:09:30,510 --> 00:09:32,410 I'll get it. Here, what's their names? I forgot. 194 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,350 Mr and Mrs Stubbs, you wally. 195 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:35,990 Oh, yeah, silly me. 196 00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:38,850 Oh, there's an olive. 197 00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:46,290 Pull yourself together, girl. This is for Daryl, remember? 198 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,670 Be positive. 199 00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:51,870 Think nice thoughts about him. Forget they're a pair of tight -fisted old 200 00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:54,990 Oh, Sharon, thanks. 201 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:12,539 He looks gorgeous. 202 00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,220 I will, I will. And you haven't changed. 203 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,120 Oh, well, he won't buy me a new frock. 204 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,180 Come on through. 205 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,320 Oh, lovely. 206 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 Here. 207 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:29,360 You've got a garlic factory round here. 208 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,920 Eh? Oh, you can smell it miles away. I don't know how you live with it. 209 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,020 Must get into all your clothes. 210 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:38,720 Here, shall I take your coat? 211 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:39,900 Oh. 212 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,180 Here we are. 213 00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:44,070 I'll put it in the special diffumer we had built. 214 00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,590 Oh, would you, Sharon? Thanks. 215 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:50,010 I don't want the bus conductors making cheap remarks. 216 00:10:51,890 --> 00:10:55,430 You look gorgeous, Tracy. 217 00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,370 Yes, well, we've done all that. Just part yourself. 218 00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:03,950 Good evening. 219 00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,010 I'm Dorian. 220 00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:07,570 Enjoy an aperitif. 221 00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:09,350 Dinner will be served shortly. 222 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,080 Bloody hell, your au pair's knocking on a bit of change. 223 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,400 Oh, are you sure he's all right? 224 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,120 He's going to want to sweat, eh? 225 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:25,100 Oh, he'll be all right when he gets his breath back. 226 00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:27,700 Garlic always does this to him. 227 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,420 Are we lifting the blankets tonight? 228 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:35,240 Yeah, Garlic does that to him and all. 229 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:41,620 It was a gorgeous meal, though, Tracy. It really was. Wasn't it a gorgeous 230 00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:42,740 Les? 231 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,060 Well, go on, tell them it was a gorgeous meal. 232 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,320 I will, I will. 233 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,580 Mind you, the soup was funny. 234 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,960 Yeah, well, we only made it for a laugh. 235 00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,640 Even though it took only two hours. 236 00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:55,960 Yeah, well, it was worth it for a laugh, eh? 237 00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:58,220 More wine, anyone? 238 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,360 It was a gorgeous meal, Tracy. 239 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,820 Yeah, I've done all that. Go on, drink up. 240 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,040 I love the bacon. 241 00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:07,110 Jambon, Mr. Stubbs. We call it jambon au dauphinois. 242 00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:09,950 Well, they'll call bacon anything to sell it. 243 00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:12,990 Well, it was a gorgeous meal, Tracy. 244 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:14,730 And that's sweet. 245 00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:17,630 Yeah, well, it's all down to Dorian, really. 246 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,050 Oh, well, there's plenty more. Please help yourselves. 247 00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:22,730 Oh, no, I couldn't. Well, 248 00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:27,650 you could wrap some up for us to take home, if you like. 249 00:12:28,450 --> 00:12:30,430 Oh, yeah, if you think it'll get eaten. 250 00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:32,450 Oh, yeah, the cat will get a bundle on that. 251 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,280 Go and make some coffee. Will anyone want cream? 252 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,640 Sure, the cat will. 253 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,860 Sorry about this, doll. Look, if you fancy creeping off, I'll understand, 254 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,200 honest. What? 255 00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:52,840 And leave you at the mercy of people like that? No, I volunteered for this 256 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:53,840 I'll see it through. 257 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,500 Never let it be said that I deserted a friend in need. 258 00:12:56,780 --> 00:13:00,100 Oh, thanks, doll. You've been a great help. What are friends for? 259 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:10,540 than you were, wasn't you? Yeah. I mean, I thought he was a goner. I thought 260 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,920 it's TV dinners for one from now on. 261 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,540 Shocking state, weren't you? 262 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,600 Shocking, shocking. There was a pain right across here, all the way down 263 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,900 pain shooting up your back, and a right pain in the neck, you know what I mean? 264 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,600 I'm beginning to, Liz, yeah. 265 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,140 Would anyone like brandy? I'll have a double. Yeah. 266 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:35,330 Mind you, it's a damp... that gets to us most. Make that treble, please. 267 00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:40,810 I don't expect you notice it here with your central heating, but prefabs are 268 00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:41,810 noted for it. 269 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:47,270 Where we are, it seeps up from the river. At seven o 'clock in the morning, 270 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:51,010 there's a low -lying mist right across the kitchen floor. 271 00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,230 It's usually cleared by midday. 272 00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:57,910 Yes, but it only turns into condensation. 273 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:02,650 See, out of the windows in the afternoon, it looks as if it's rained on 274 00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:03,650 inside. No. 275 00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:06,110 Yeah, but it usually clears by the morning. 276 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:12,490 Yes, but then it just runs down the walls and comes up again with the mist 277 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:13,490 the morning. 278 00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:15,610 Well, look on it as nature, Olive. 279 00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:18,190 You never know, you might end up on a survival special. 280 00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:22,310 You're a very lucky young lady, Tracy. 281 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,190 I mean, our Daryl's done all right for you, hasn't he? 282 00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:29,260 You haven't had to suffer here at all, have you? 283 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,020 Not until recently, no. 284 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:36,760 Hello? 285 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,240 Hello? 286 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,200 Got a weirdo here. 287 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,140 Could you breathe a bit louder, please? 288 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,020 I'm a bit hard of hearing. 289 00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:51,860 What? 290 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,300 Some perv in a phone box with sexual asthma. 291 00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,780 Think I'll have another brandy. 292 00:15:05,420 --> 00:15:12,240 Do you mind? She was one of my bridesmaids. She wasn't 293 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,240 fat. She was... 294 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,380 at least I can have a stab at a love life now and again. 295 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,640 Oh, saucy. 296 00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:43,680 Oh, well, we said she was saucy, didn't we, Les? Didn't we say she was saucy? 297 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,860 Go on, tell us you're saucy. 298 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,340 I did, I did. 299 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,240 I tell you, we have our moments up here. 300 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,700 We're no strangers to lust in Chigwell. 301 00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:54,500 Speak for yourself. 302 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,980 Passion don't stop at a North Circular, you know. Dorian will tell you. 303 00:15:58,420 --> 00:15:59,860 Dorian will do no such thing. 304 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,980 Oh, who's ringing at this time of night? 305 00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:07,060 Hello? Yeah. 306 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:08,760 Yeah, she's here. 307 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,560 You what? 308 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,600 I see. 309 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,380 It's for you. A bloke called Eddie. Said he's had a nasty experience with an 310 00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:18,059 head gasket. 311 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:21,760 Said he's sorry if he's kept you hanging about all night. Oh, Eddie's an AA man 312 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,420 I met. Stopped me overheating on the M25. 313 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,180 And now he's ringing about your big end, is he? 314 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,300 Must be your new fancy man. 315 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:32,560 Oh, more sauce. 316 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,620 Sorry to keep you hanging about all night. 317 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,240 So that's why you wanted to be here. 318 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,420 That's what the girls' night in was in aid of. That's why you wanted to come 319 00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:42,420 round and cook and everything. 320 00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:45,540 Yes, well, I'm sorry, Tracy. I had to give him this number. I was desperate. 321 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,560 Marcus was beginning to get suspicious. 322 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,880 Marcus is her husband. 323 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,660 Oh, even so, sir. 324 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,860 Eddie, speak up. 325 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,440 It's what? 326 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,200 It's difficult to speak at your end. 327 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,589 You should be standing where I am. 328 00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:12,950 All right? 329 00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:14,890 I'm all right. Why wouldn't I be all right? 330 00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:16,270 No reason, no reason. 331 00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,010 Why would a sandpiper do anything? 332 00:17:22,369 --> 00:17:23,690 I'm just stuck in here. 333 00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:26,310 No contact with the outsides, no visits and letters. 334 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:28,850 I keep getting these letters from my mum. 335 00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,850 Oh, that's nice. No, it's not. 336 00:17:31,590 --> 00:17:32,590 Sorry. 337 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,990 Just thought it might be, that's all. Well, it's not. It's nothing but bad 338 00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:40,010 On a peep album in years, and it's letter after letter, me dad banging on 339 00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,310 the dignity of the working man. 340 00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:42,509 Well, that's right. 341 00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:44,970 No, it's not. He was a fish porter in Billingsgate. 342 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:48,110 Used to walk about with boxes of dead mackerel on his head. Where's the 343 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,110 in that? 344 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:51,510 What's he got at the end of it, eh? 345 00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,310 Nothing. 346 00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:54,970 Except rheumatism and smelly air. 347 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:56,990 What can I do, eh? 348 00:17:57,690 --> 00:17:58,690 Oh. 349 00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:00,850 Not your job to supply shampoo. 350 00:18:02,139 --> 00:18:03,240 Letters that wind me up. 351 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,740 I've got another one this morning. Seems they weren't able to see Tracy the 352 00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:08,620 other night. Well, that's nice. No, it's not. 353 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,120 Sorry. 354 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,300 Funny. 355 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,560 I've obviously got a warped idea on what's nice. 356 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,380 Been in here too long. 357 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,400 They painted a right old picture of life in Chigwell. 358 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,320 Sounds like one long orgy with French food thrown in. 359 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,960 And that tart next door sounds a great influence. 360 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,700 Got a dirty chat line going from my house. 361 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,620 Really? I never knew you was 0898. 362 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:32,820 I thought they were all at it. 363 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,320 And how long before Mark Tracy's off on the side, eh? 364 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,100 They're stuck in here, just don't know what's true. 365 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,880 Did they say anything about Sharon? 366 00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,560 Yeah, said she was still a slag. 367 00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:46,340 Well, that's nice. 368 00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:49,820 You're right, you have got a warped idea of what's nice. 369 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,860 Filthy liars have twisted everything. 370 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,580 They've painted us as a load of ravers and slags. We should be so lucky. 371 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:02,110 After all the trouble we went through, this is their rotten problems, being 372 00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:04,950 to them all night. I'll never forgive them for this. They've got down with the 373 00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:05,749 right state. 374 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:08,630 We'll get over it, Trace. I'm sure they didn't mean it. 375 00:19:08,870 --> 00:19:09,990 You ain't heard what he's saying. 376 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:15,070 Like Mum says, with all this nymphomania around, it's only a matter of time 377 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,110 before you catch it. 378 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:20,810 Look, don't worry about it, Trace. They're just a bit old -fashioned. 379 00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:25,790 That prefab in Poplar ain't no place for old people. So how about it if they 380 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,230 move into Sharon's room? 381 00:19:29,580 --> 00:19:31,140 Who am I supposed to keep? 382 00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:35,400 That way, Mum will be able to help you out and keep an eye on things. But 383 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,840 mainly, it'll get rid of your worst influence, your sister. 384 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,580 The two -faced old fart! 385 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,320 And Mum says she'll keep that tart next door in her place and all. 386 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:48,980 I don't believe it. 387 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,240 Them two living in my room? You're lucky to have in -laws like them, you said. 388 00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:55,440 At least you can have a laugh with them, you said. 389 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,780 Well, go on, laugh. 390 00:19:58,570 --> 00:19:59,229 be homeless. 391 00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:00,230 And what will I be? 392 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:02,110 Serving time here with them two atrocities. 393 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,970 Look, you've got to go and see Daryl quick. 394 00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,470 Explain it to him sharpish. Ah, visiting tomorrow and they're going. 395 00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,930 God knows what they'll be saying behind my back. 396 00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:14,570 That's why you've got to be there, Trace. I can't. I haven't got a visiting 397 00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:15,570 order. 398 00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:17,510 No, but I have. 399 00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:36,059 Get out, Mum. 400 00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:39,000 Oh, you look wonderful. 401 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,520 Doesn't he look wonderful, Les? 402 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,220 Go on, tell him he looks wonderful. 403 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:45,780 I will, I will. 404 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,119 All right, son? 405 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,120 All right, Dad? 406 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:50,180 Now, let's look at you. 407 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,280 You've lost weight. 408 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,200 Prison food doesn't have the right starch in emulsifiers. 409 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,680 I've got some things for you. 410 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,960 Oh. I've got a bottle of scotch. 411 00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:05,970 Some razor blades. 412 00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:08,810 And your new belt. 413 00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:16,210 Oh. 414 00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:19,010 Thanks a lot, Mum. All the things I can't have. 415 00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,570 Wonderful to see you, Daryl. Yeah, well, we've just done all that. 416 00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:25,030 Give him that cigar. 417 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:25,969 Oh, yeah, dear. 418 00:21:25,970 --> 00:21:28,030 I bought you a cigar, son. It's all I could afford. 419 00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:29,550 I'm sorry it's not much. 420 00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:31,090 Say that again. 421 00:21:31,430 --> 00:21:32,430 Oh, well. 422 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,980 We have to spend all our money on eating up the prefabs, you see, Daryl. 423 00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:39,720 We have to, just to keep him alive. 424 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,020 I'm your old dad. 425 00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:42,840 I used to bounce you on me knee. 426 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,560 Yeah, twice, wasn't it? 427 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:52,140 Well, you see, it's Tracy we're worried about, living in that big, warm house, 428 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,080 all alone, unprotected. 429 00:21:55,340 --> 00:22:01,060 Yeah, well, I wrote to Tracy about that, and I suggested you move in. 430 00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:02,630 Oh, terrific, Daryl. 431 00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:04,550 Oh, Daryl, oh. 432 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:08,350 It's for the best, you'll see. It's for the best. 433 00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:11,450 Oh, I'll go round there tomorrow and measure up the curtains. 434 00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:15,010 Hey, you haven't got one of them satellite dishes, have you? Everyone's 435 00:22:15,010 --> 00:22:17,710 of them. I'll organise one of them for you. Hang about, hang about. 436 00:22:18,410 --> 00:22:21,310 I've got a square little trachy yet. Oh, cold, cold. 437 00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:23,250 Hey, 438 00:22:23,970 --> 00:22:27,090 guess what? A little woman's here. You haven't got a little woman, Chris. You 439 00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,090 married Sharon. 440 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,000 are you, love? 441 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,940 What are you doing coming to see him? I'm not. I've come to see you. 442 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,300 Then don't kiss him. 443 00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:51,340 Well, I can't kiss you. I'm pretending to be his wife. 444 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,660 Hang on. Where do I sit in the world? Don't. Sit there and be quiet. Pretend 445 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:55,860 be busy. Oh, that's nice. 446 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,640 Don't let him tell you what's nice. He's twisted. 447 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,180 This can't be right. 448 00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:01,800 It must be against the rules. 449 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,180 Let's go see if it's against the rules. I will. I won't, Dad. Don't you go 450 00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:06,180 grafting up my wife. 451 00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:08,860 Oi, she's my wife today. You just let your step clear. 452 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:12,180 Good to see you. Oh. 453 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,220 Just what the hell's going on, Tracy? 454 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,500 I needed to see you, Daryl. Here you are. 455 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,740 Things are getting out of hand, Daryl. Yeah, things are getting out of hand, 456 00:23:23,860 --> 00:23:24,860 Daryl. 457 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,100 Passions crossed and all circular. 458 00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:32,340 Lorry drivers ringing up at all hours at night. 459 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,780 You stay out of this, you poisonous old bat. 460 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:37,920 Why do you talk to my mother like that, Tracey? 461 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,680 It's the people around her, son. She's turning into a slag. Don't you talk 462 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:42,680 my Tracey like that. 463 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,160 Here, can I get a cigar? 464 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:49,580 No. I mean, there's no good getting married if he was only doing what we 465 00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:52,660 was best. For our Daryl. For our Daryl. For yourselves, you mean. 466 00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:54,800 We was all right till these letters started up. 467 00:23:55,070 --> 00:23:57,930 You've not been helping him. You've been winding him up. No, we haven't. Yes, 468 00:23:57,990 --> 00:23:59,530 you have. That's right. He's been telling me. 469 00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:01,410 You keep out of this. Hang on. 470 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:04,830 I'm going to stir it for you, son. I mean, I'm your old dad. I'm the one who 471 00:24:04,830 --> 00:24:06,650 used to bounce you on me knee, didn't I? Yeah. 472 00:24:07,730 --> 00:24:08,770 Breastfed him, I did. 473 00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:14,490 Breastfed him long after my time. Got myself all out of shape for him, I did. 474 00:24:15,170 --> 00:24:18,410 Then there was the bedwetting. Yeah. Leave it out. Leave it out. 475 00:24:18,690 --> 00:24:21,410 You're so sick to know that. Hey, Tracy, keep it down. 476 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,940 Invited you round, gave you a nice meal, and all you can do is slag us off. 477 00:24:25,060 --> 00:24:28,500 Well, I'm only telling him what we saw. You only saw what you wanted to see, you 478 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:29,500 dirty old git. 479 00:25:04,140 --> 00:25:05,140 we've had of him. 480 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,240 Go on. 481 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:09,680 Well, sounds like he quite enjoyed it in the end. Says he's forgotten what a 482 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:10,780 family punch -up was like. 483 00:25:10,980 --> 00:25:13,240 Now he's remembered he wouldn't wish his family on anyone. 484 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:15,860 So it turns out all right, then? 485 00:25:16,060 --> 00:25:20,140 Well, not really. Due to the fracas, Daryl got his privileges revoked. So now 486 00:25:20,140 --> 00:25:21,160 there's no visits at all. 487 00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:22,860 Never mind, Trace. 488 00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:25,260 Think of it as losing a battle but winning the war. 489 00:25:25,580 --> 00:25:30,180 Except that due to the behaviour of Mrs Theodopolopoulos, me, old Chris got his 490 00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:31,300 privileges revoked. Come on. 491 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,700 Oh, well, there's always casualties in a war, isn't there? 492 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:37,680 Uh -oh. 493 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,800 Beware middle -aged Jewish au pairs. 494 00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:41,460 They're in large bunches of flowers. 495 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:53,040 Tracy, before you bite my head off or ram garlic down my throat, I just want 496 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,080 apologise for the other night. 497 00:25:54,540 --> 00:25:57,640 It was quite wrong of me to give out your phone number without asking. 498 00:25:58,220 --> 00:26:00,740 Please accept these and forgive me. 499 00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:05,620 Please. Forgive him, Dawn. 500 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:08,640 And don't worry about your number. 501 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,380 Eddie didn't write it in his book. 502 00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:12,080 In fact, I don't think he has a book. 503 00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:14,000 In fact, I'm not sure he can write. 504 00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:17,680 Anyway, he probably just jotted it down by the phone. 505 00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:21,480 What phone would that be, Dorian? 506 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,000 I'm not sure. 507 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,600 It's at the service station, I suppose. 508 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,720 Hang about, Dawn. Let me get this right. 509 00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:34,700 He's left my phone number by a public phone in Newport Pagnol between Erica's 510 00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:38,500 Swedish massage and Miss Whiplash longs to walk all over you. 511 00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:41,400 That explains a few things. 512 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,240 Hello? 513 00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:52,500 No, Dorian doesn't live here anymore. 514 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,020 So you can scrub out that number and write down this one. 515 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,280 971 -501 -1362. 516 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,360 Yeah, 1362. That's right, she'll be home any minute. 517 00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,400 Is your Marcus home, Dor? 518 00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:08,980 Yes. 519 00:27:09,460 --> 00:27:12,160 Well, I'd get home pretty sharpish if I were you. 520 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,780 You're about to get a call from a coachload of Watford supporters. 521 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,020 They've got a very unusual proposition for you. 522 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,080 You fat, common... 523 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:26,680 Talk me talk! 524 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:31,280 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0